He Remembers
by Politics.and.Prose
Summary: He remembers. Rating may go up in future chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **He Remembers

**Rating:** PG for now

**Pairing:** Rachel/Finn

**Characters: **Various cast and OCs

**Summary:** He remembers.

**Disclaimer:** Do I look rich to you?

**Author's Note:** This is my first Glee Fic.

Four years after he graduated from McKinley High School, Finn Hudson sat alone in his room at the Delta Sigma Phi house on the campus of UCLA. He had no idea how he gotten there.

He remembers getting rejected by every college he'd applied to during his senior year. He remembers watching Rachel get on a plane bound for New York, his step-brother joining her (much to his dismay, Kurt constantly told him. But he knew that his girlfriend and brother got along just fine. When neither of them spoke to the other.). He remembers calling her and angst-fully confessing that he was a Lima Loser and she deserved better. He remembers tears, on both ends of the phone, and her fighting to keep their relationship alive. He remembers telling her he met a girl when he was at Grand Lake – that was probably the worst lie he over told her.

He remembers his step-brother telling him that Rachel sent the old club an e-mail that she was starring in the Broadway production of Spring Awakening and that Jesse St. James was playing opposite her. And that they were back together. He lied and told Kurt that he'd read it and was happy for her. Another lie.

He remembers checking his e-mail fifteen times before finally admitting to himself that she didn't send the news to him, probably hoping it would hurt him to find out second hand. It did.

He remembers singing "Jessie's Girl" to a photo of him and Rachel that he kept on his bedside table.

He also remembers that at the end of the song he vowed to make something of himself and win her back.

He doesn't remember community college or community theater. He doesn't remember Mr. Schue ("Will now, Finn. You're not my student anymore.") tutoring him and helping him ace almost every class he took (when would he ever really need English anyway?). He certainly doesn't remember applying to Ohio State, Florida, USC and UCLA.

It's only on the day that his mother throws herself into his arms and gleefully shouts that he got into UCLA that he remembers he forgot to apply to any schools even remotely close to New York City.

He remembers wondering if that meant he was finally over Rachel. He kinda hoped it did sometimes.

But then Journey would come on the radio and he'd be right back in that hallway telling Rachel he loved her.

He kinda hated Journey for that though he knew it wasn't their fault.

So he boarded a plane for Los Angeles and the life he didn't know he was missing.

LA wasn't anything like he'd ever experienced before. Sure, he went to New York once to see Rachel but this place was so much different. It seemed bigger. Then again he spent most of his time in New York in Rachel's dorm room. And he certainly never saw people like Carmen Electra and Pamela Anderson in New York.

He _loved_ Los Angeles.

But he really remembers the day he decided to join the Music Club. (He thought they could have named it something better but not every school could have New Directions.) He told himself it had nothing to do with Rachel. And on that day, in that moment, his name scratched and the stark white sheet of paper, he didn't think it had. He could never have imagined that signing up for Music Club would lead him to the day he had, lead him to sit, alone, in his bedroom in his frat house, on a perfectly good Friday night in Los Angeles.

He kept thinking of the showcase next week and then the State Music Festival the week after. He was one of the stars of the group, racking up multiple solos for the showcase and even more for the Festival.

Not that it mattered to him. He was just happy to be able to sing for more than a few groupies from the Hotel Café that he didn't even know had heard him. Local legend Steve Carlson had done one of his frequent shows at the bar and Finn, a part-time busboy and full-time bartender, was cleaning up after last call, and he had starting singing one of the tunes he'd heard performed. That was when a girl from the Music Club came up to him and drunkenly told him that he would be a good fit for the group.

But this was different. This was competitive singing at its best. Better than _American Idol_ even.

Not that he watched _American Idol_.

He was moving on with his life and he finally felt good about it.

But at 2:45 earlier that afternoon he was transported back to that day six years ago when he first heard Rachel Berry sing. Because she was there. Right there. Right there in his music room. His. In California. He blinked a few times and tried to focus on her song – something he thought he'd heard Kurt singing over Christmas one year – but he couldn't hear anything over the blood rushing through his ears, his pounding heart, the echo of her sobs when he lied and told her he'd moved on.

She was still amazing, of course. And she was more beautiful than he remembered. More mature.

He wasn't sure but he thought he might have stopped breathing.

"Hudson! Perfect! This is Miss Berry – Rachel Berry. She's an actress in New York. Broadway, you know. And she's out here with a traveling troupe doing a production of Thoroughly Modern Millie. She's the lead. Joining the ranks of great actresses like Sutton Foster," his professor, Dr. Terrance Morris, stated enthusiastically. "I saw her at a Starbucks and asked her if she would sing for me. And she did! Right there. Then I asked her if she would like to sing with us at the scrimmage and she called and asked her coach and he agreed! And as I listened to her, I had a wonderful thought! Your voices would mesh so well together!"

Finn'd heard what Morris said, more or less, but his eyes never left Rachel's. And, much to his surprise, hers never left his either.

He took a step closer and so did she. To him, it was as if there was no one else in the world. Cheesy as it sounded – even to him – he felt the last four years melt away and it was her and him and a piano. Just like it was in a small town in Nowhere, Ohio.

"Hi," she said softly as she lowered her head but raised her eyes to keep focused on him.

"Hey," he breathed as a small grin crept across his face.

"Kurt, uh. Kurt told me you were here now. Good for you," she told him.

"Yeah. Thanks. I'm – uh," he cleared his throat. "I'm an Education major. Erm, Physical Education. Gym teacher stuff, you know? Music minor though."

"I heard," she said softly. At his inquisitive look she added, "Kurt."

"Right."

They stood there, eyes connected, not saying a word. Finn couldn't decide if it was awkward or not.

Dr. Morris allowed his eyes to shift between Hudson and Miss Berry a few times. He finally cleared his throat and spoke in an overly-cheerful voice. "So you know each other already? That's excellent. Have you ever sung together before?"

"She's the reason I'm singing. She got me to join the glee club in high school," Finn responded, eyes finally breaking contact with Rachel's.

"That's not true," she denied with a blush that Finn forgot he'd been missing. "Mr. Schue got you to join."

"But you got me to stay."

Morris looked between them once again. "Anything in particular you two would like to sing? Just to warm up so I can get a feel for what you should sing next week?"

"_Don't Stop Believing_," they both answered at the same time. Rachel blushed and he glanced over at her and smiled before turning to his professor once again. "First song we really sang together."

Dr. Morris nodded approvingly. "I think I have the instrumental here somewhere …"

But Finn didn't want to wait. He took a deep breath and started with that old familiar song. "Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world. She took the midnight train goin' an-y-where."

"He's just a city boy," Rachel continued with that same glowing smile on her face, "born and raised in South Detroit. He took the midnight train going an-y-where."

Terrance Morris sat in awe as he watched the two sing and dance to the old classic. Their steps faltered from time to time but he could tell that they'd known it all by heart in the past. As he watched them perform he knew he would have to find the perfect song for them to sing together at the showcase in a week. Anything else would be unacceptable.


	2. Chapter 2

When the song ended they stood there, breaths coming out in heavy pants, eyes fixed on the other's.

"Wow," Dr. Morris commented. "It's like that song was written just for you." His eyes darted between them. "It was spectacular."

Finn was about to respond when he caught the look on Rachel's face. Her eyes were focused on something over his left shoulder.

He wished he was more shocked when he turned his head and his gaze met that of the man who had Rachel staring in shock and … embarrassment?

It was him.

Jesse Freakin' St. James.

"I-I … I have to go," Rachel said as she quickly grabbed her purse and a light pink sweater that she'd brought with her. "Thank you, Dr. Morris. Please just give me a call when you need me for rehearsals." She stopped abruptly and turned to Finn. "Thank you. That was nice. It felt like …" she trailed off, her face turning a deep hue of pink.

She didn't have to say _home_ for him to hear the word.

"Yeah," he smiled, his heart pounding. "It did. Their eyes caught once again before he cleared his throat loudly and unsteadily. "You'd better go. Jesse's waiting."

He was proud of himself for being able to say the name without the jealousy inside him cracking his voice and making him feel like he would burst into flames and burn in the deepest, darkest corner of hell. He wondered if that's what sinners felt like when they walked into a church. Then he wondered when the hell he turned into Kurt with all the drama queen crap.

So it was pretty much safe to say that he still wasn't okay with St. Douchebag.

"Finn, I …" Rachel started.

But she never got to finish because apparently Jesse was done waiting. "Rach, babe." Finn cringed at the familiarity. "We have reservations at Spago in an hour. We need to get going."

She turned her eyes to Finn once more and opened her mouth but only a strangled sound came out. She nodded once, forced on a smile and said, "It was great seeing you again, Finn. I guess I'll see you at the next rehearsal."

And then she was gone.

Again.

At least he was positive that it wouldn't be the last time he would see her. Thanks to Dr. Morris, he had at least a week with her. He wasn't sure whether the thought was sarcastic or not.

He doesn't remember saying goodbye to Dr. Morris or heading back to his room.

He doesn't remember Stash trying to wrestle with him or simply ignoring the overzealous pledge.

He doesn't remember dropping his books on the floor and falling onto his bed.

But he does remember the look in Rachel's eyes when they sang together for the first time in years.

And he remembers the look on her face when she saw Jesse standing there behind him.

He just wished he knew what it meant.

-x-

"Are you out of your mind?" Jesse whispered fiercely to her. "Finn Hudson? Again?"

"Don't start," she muttered as she rubbed at her temples. "How was I supposed to know that he would wander into the music room at the exact time I was in there?"

"I don't know," the young man said sarcastically. "History, maybe."

"Drop it."

"Rachel …" he said on a sigh.

"I'm not going to relapse," she told him strongly. "We're different people now. He has a girlfriend, I'm sure."

"Didn't stop you the last time."

"Jeez, Jesse! Just give it up. _Nothing_ is going to happen."

Jesse grinned slightly. "Famous last words."

"Shut it, St. James," she muttered as he slung his arm around her shoulders. She gripped his forearm and rested her head against the side of his chest. "And for the record, the last time was right after you and your robots egged me in the parking lot at McKinley."

"We're not talking about that day," he told her thickly.

"Even _Kurt_ wanted to kick the crap out of you," she giggled. "My how times have changed."

"Now _you_ shut up," Jesse grumbled.

"Obviously Finn doesn't know."

"Clearly. Else he wouldn't have been giving me that look. D'ya think Kurt told him you and I were dating?"

"He did three years ago," Rachel shrugged. "Just to see if he still cared."

"And …?" Jesse asked with a smirk as they climbed into his car. He knew the story; he loved the story. Of course, Kurt always gave a different answer then Rachel and he was pretty sure that Rachel was just playing it down.

She shrugged, "You know this. Nothing. He didn't call, text, e-mail, MySpace. He pretty much went completely radio silent. Kurt didn't even hear from him for months. Or so I thought. Carole and Burt were pretty tight-lipped and Schue would either quickly change the subject or need to hang up. It was really unnerving. I was being misdirected for months. I mean, after not being able to get in contact with him for five months I packed a bag, got on a plane and headed to Ohio." She chewed on her bottom lip, eyes glazed and focused on a time three years ago and a setting only she could see. "No one was there when I got to his house. And then Allan called about the show and how Sarah couldn't go on and get my ass back to New York _yesterday_," she cringed. "So I came back and six weeks later Kurt told me the whole story. I was furious at him for lying but so, _so_ proud of Finn." At Jesse's perplexed look, she shrugged. "He got out. It was what he wanted more than anything."

Jesse watched her as she quickly wiped at her eyes and turned her head to stare out the window, eyes seeing something that he would never be able to. In that moment he remembered what had made him completely fall for her back in high school. She cared so much about people and was willing to sacrifice so much for them at the drop of a hat.

He remembers going to Rachel and asking for her help when he needed it most. It was just after he ran into Kurt for the first time after leaving LA for New York. He'd told Rachel that he felt nervous and awkward and what the _hell_ was that about? She'd given him her "go to hell" look. Clearly he hadn't yet worked his way back into her good graces.

They had been case in Spring Awakening two weeks earlier and most of the time she looked like she was going to throw up whenever she looked at him.

It had started to give him a complex, truth be told.

So when that look didn't go away he asked her if she was pregnant.

She slapped him.

Hard.

They'd been fine since.

He figured it was hard for her to be friends with him after he broke her heart but she was a real trooper – or was he the trooper for putting up with her crazy, random angry rants? – and they made it through. They were pretty good friends. Now.

It didn't hurt that he was dating Kurt in a not-so-casual, completely committed, wondering-if-Massachusetts-was-really-a-viable-option kinda way.

"I think getting out was what he wanted second most. I think what he wanted most was to be with you."

"And I think this conversation is over. Is Kurt coming in tonight or tomorrow?" she asked in an attempt to get off the subject of Finn.

"Should be inside waiting for us. We could have beaten him here if you didn't get trapped in a time warp and stare at Hudson for seventeen million hours," Jesse said as he poked her in the side.

"You're lucky I love Kurt too much to do any damage to you, drama queen."

"You love me too," he smiled. "Don't even try to deny it."

Rachel groaned as he opened the door for her and they entered the restaurant. They were taken to a table in the east dining room where Kurt was perusing the wine list. Without even looking up he griped, "Just had to go to the UCLA campus today, didn't you?"

Rachel sighed and sat down heavily in her chair. "He called?"

"Just got off the phone with him," Kurt affirmed. "Hey, babe," he added to Jesse before turning back to Rachel. "He's in shock. Told me I should have warned him. And I would have … if I knew you were going to be dumb enough to show up at his school – in his music room!"

"I met Dr. Morris at the coffee shop and he was a fan," she whispered fiercely. "He asked me to come back and maybe sing with his group at an invitational. I haven't done anything like that in such a long time. And I had _no idea_ that Finn would be there. How was I supposed to know?"

"Oh, I don't know," Kurt said flippantly. "History?"

"That's what I said," Jesse said superiorly.

"Boys, seriously. It was just a song."

"You _sang_ with him?" Kurt screeched out. He drew the attention of several patrons in their section. "Oh get over it." He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself before turning back to Rachel. "Just please don't tell me you sang Journey."

Rachel stared at him, her bottom lip trapped between her teeth.

"Oh sweet mercy," Kurt sighed. "When you go big you really go big, don't you? No wonder Finn was barely coherent."

Rachel, in a very un-Rachel-like moved, exhaled loudly and let her head thunk to the table. "Someone get me a bottle of wine," she muttered into the table cloth.


	3. Chapter 3

Kurt grinned as Rachel's head thunked down onto the table. He _knew_ she would get dramatic about it. But it _was_ Rachel Berry, after all, so he couldn't even pretend to imagine her _not_ getting dramatic. Over everything. Especially Finn Hudson.

"And you call _me_ a drama queen," Jesse muttered.

"Babe, do I even need to remind you of our first date?" Kurt asked with a perfectly manicured arched brow.

"It was the wrong meal!"

"You could have been a tad bit nicer about it."

"I ordered pasta," Jesse said with wide eyes.

"So?"

"She brought me beef," he deadpanned.

"Insert clever sexual joke here," Kurt rejoined. He sighed as he looked to Rachel. She seemed really shaken by the entire situation. "Talk to me, Star," he murmured as he reached out and ran a hand over her hair.

"I didn't think it would still hurt so much," she responded softly. "I thought I would be able to look at him and not hear him telling me that he'd met someone else." She sat up slowly and turned her eyes to Kurt. "But it still hurts. The only thing that didn't hurt was singing with him. But even that …" She exhaled loudly. "Just tell me that he's with someone and happy and saving hand over fist for the perfect engagement ring," she begged.

"Rachel," Kurt sighed.

"Tell me he hasn't asked about me, Kurt. Tell me he's well over what we had. Tell me he was only upset you didn't tell him I was coming because he wanted me to meet her."

"There's no her, Rachel," Kurt said sadly. "And there never was. He lied."

Jesse winced and gripped the table, eyes squeezed shut in anticipation of a famous Rachel Berry blow-up.

But it never came.

"I know," she said softly. "Don't you think I could tell when he was lying? But he obviously didn't want to keep the long distance relationship going. So I let him get away with it." She shrugged helplessly. "I couldn't force him to want to be with me, to want to stay with me. I tried that once and I lost him to Brittany and Santana of all people. So I let him go."

"He was upset when I told him you were with Jesse," Kurt pointed out.

"First," Rachel said, "you shouldn't have done that. Second …"

"He hates me," Jesse said matter-of-factly. "Because he thought I was using her for the benefit of VA."

"I'm pretty sure it was because you existed in her world," Kurt countered. "But that's neither here nor there. Let's focus on what we're going to do now."

"Nothing," Rachel piped up. "I'm going to do the concert and then never set foot on the UCLA campus again. He and I both just need this closure. After the concert we'll go back to New York and he'll stay here." She straightened up and tossed her hair over her shoulder. "Now, what's good here?"

"Everything, babe," Jesse said with a smile as he patted her on the hand.

-x-

Finn _hated_ karaoke night at the Hotel Café. And after everything that went down that afternoon, he hated it even more.

Rachel. In LA. With Jesse St. Freakin' James. He couldn't quite wrap his head around it. After everything that had happened between them …

But, then again, Rachel always _was_ the most forgiving person he knew. She'd given _him_ more than enough chances to prove that he was a better man than he acted. He would screw up so bad and she would huff and puff at him for a couple of days and then it would all be okay again.

He remembers telling her that he slept with Santana.

Not the best day of their relationship.

Hell, not the best _week_ of their relationship.

He'd expected some kind of huge reaction: yelling, screaming, crying. He remembers bracing himself for a slap or a punch. But she'd done nothing like that. She'd simply nodded and walked away from him.

It made him so scared that he couldn't even move.

Rachel always had something to say: nice, constructive or otherwise.

But after he'd shakily admitted to sleeping with Santana when he'd told her after that he hadn't? She didn't say a word. Didn't yell, didn't cry. She simply nodded her head and walked away, eyes stubbornly refusing to meet his and feet refusing to stop when he desperately called out her name.

And if he thought that was bad, what happened after was way, _way_ worse. She had spoken to Santana about it. She had actually gone to the girl he'd slept with and asked her every question imaginable.

She'd told him that since Santana obviously had something that he wanted, she wanted to do everything she could to make him feel comfortable when they finally got around to it.

He should have just accepted this and moved on.

But, of course, he couldn't do that. So he'd spilled his guts. He didn't like it; it didn't feel right; he wished he'd waited for her; he was sorry, _so sorry_, that he lied about it.

She'd nodded through his whole (tearful, though he would never tell the guys that) admission. And then she'd kissed him softly on the lips, thanked him for being truthful, and walked away again.

He had gotten really sick of her walking away.

He remembers setting up a date for that Friday – one of many "sorry I'm such a screw up and it'll never happen again" dates – and planned on trying to reinforce their fragile relationship. He was ready to beg for her forgiveness. He was ready to go back to his place and ask Burt if they could have the living room so that he and Rachel could watch _Funny Girl_.

Dinner was great and they _did_ go back to his place. But to the basement. And to his bed. And he wondered, even to this day, what Santana had told her, because she completely blew his mind (among other things) that night.

He remembers being nervous that Kurt could come in at any time.

It took months for Kurt to fess up that Rachel paid him off to stay out of the house that night.

Sometimes he loved how easily his step-brother could be bribed.

A loud cheer brought him out of his reverie and he looked up to see Rachel, St. Buttmuch and his step-brother standing in his bar. _His. Bar._

His only thought was _FML_.

-x-

"Let's go in here," Jesse said with a grin as he opened up the door to a place called Hotel Café. He had frequented here when he was a student at UCLA and karaoke night always rocked. "It's karaoke and I think all three of us could use a little song and dance number. I'll even sing _It's Raining Men_ with you two, if you want."

"Jess, I don't think this is the best idea …" Kurt said. "Maybe we should go somewhere else."

"Nonsense, Kurt! I know this city and this is the best karaoke in town! Let's go," he said with a big grin as he grabbed his boyfriend's hand and pulled him through the door, checking over his shoulder to make sure Rachel was following. "We'll get up there, do a song or two, and then head back to the hotel. It'll be great!"

"Jesse …"

"Shh …" he whispered before leaning in to press a kiss to Kurt's lips. "Booze, karaoke, and then hotel."

"But …" Kurt tried again, only to be silenced with another kiss. Jesse sure could be persuasive. _What the hell?_ he thought before giving in to the sensation of his boyfriend's lips against his own.

When he heard the loud cheer, Kurt pulled away from Jesse, a bright pink blush staining his cheeks. He saw everyone in the bar staring at him.

Everyone.

Including his step-brother.

_Shit_.

-x-

It wasn't that she minded when Jesse and Kurt kissed. She was pretty used to it by now. But she didn't want the attention focused on the group she was with. Hell, she wanted to be back in the hotel with the mini-bar cracked open and a few empties littering the countertop.

But she could never really say no when Kurt and Jesse combined forces.

She wishes tonight that she could have.

Because Finn was standing _right there_, eyes locked on the scene in front of him. Well, eyes locked on hers, really. And neither of them was looking away.

She noticed his reluctant steps as he moved towards her, eyes still focused intently on her own.

When she started walking to him as well, she realized that neither of them could possibly have control of their bodies. They had gone four years without really seeing each other and now, in the span of twelve hours or less, they had seen each other twice and couldn't keep any kind of distance between them.

She told herself that she wasn't relapsing. She told herself again.

"Hey," he said, eyes wide, when he reached her.

"Hello," she responded as she looked up into his nervous eyes. "I- we didn't know you would be here. I didn't know you worked here," she added as she nodded to the towel he clenched in his fist.

"Yeah," he nodded jerkily. "But Kurt knew I was here. I told him."

She turned her eyes back to see Kurt, hands on his hips and Jesse, head bowed in either humor or embarrassment.

Both looked a little pink in the face.

"So, I'm guessing you and Jesse aren't still dating," he said in a rather accusing manner, if Rachel did say so herself. And she did.

"Jesse and I haven't dated since high school," she told him flippantly. "And you would have known that if you'd just asked me yourself instead of going through Kurt."

"I don't want to fight with you tonight, Rachel," Finn said with a weary sigh as he dragged his hand over his slightly sweaty face. "We're packed and I need to get back behind the bar. Do you three want anything?"

"Three cosmos," Rachel replied.

"Not virgins, I suppose," Fin said with a little grin.

"Not since high school," she rejoined with a wink before walking back over to her friends.


	4. Chapter 4

His eyes widened and they tracked her short walk back to Jesse and Kurt. Who had stared kissing again.

And who had stopped kissing when Rachel smacked them both on the back of the head.

Finn tore his eyes away from the scene – no matter how okay he was with Kurt being gay, it still kinda wigged him out to watch his brother kiss a boy – and wandered over to the bar. "Hey, Nick. Three Cosmos to table 15, okay?"

"Yeah. I'll let ya know when they're ready."

"Give 'em to Lucy. I'm takin' my break," Finn responded as he pushed his way through the crowd and out the side door into the alley. He stepped to the side and leaned against the wall, eyes falling shut.

He couldn't believe she was there. He hadn't seen her at all in about five years – aside from what he'd read about her on the Broadway blogs – and now he saw her twice in one day? Sort of made him wonder what he'd done in a past life to deserve this luck. Karma was a bitch, he decided.

"So you're going to hide now, huh?" a voice asked from his right.

He cracked open an eye to see Kurt standing there with his arms crossed and a slight smile gracing his features. He let out a groan and closed his eye again. "Shut up."

"Now that's not very nice, Finn," Kurt chided mockingly. "What would your mother say?"

"Whadaya want, Kurt?" Finn asked exasperatedly. "I'm taking a break."

"You're hiding from Rachel," his brother rejoined. "And it's pretty friggen obvious." He paused while he needlessly brushed his bangs away from his forehead. "We're – me and Jesse, that is – not going to let you two get close again." At Finn's look, Kurt just shrugged. "In case that's what you were worried about. She's … she's almost ready to move on. She didn't know you were singing. I – uh. I told her you gave it up. It's the only reason she agreed to meet with your professor and to sing at the concert. She thought you were done with music."

"She must really hate me," Finn muttered. "Only agreeing to sing because she thought she wouldn't have to see me."

"That's not true at all," Kurt said. "She - there's no way she could ever hate you."

"Then why the avoidance? Huh? There were a million times when we could have spoken. But she didn't."

"She was upset, Finn!" Kurt burst out, unable to hold it in. "You told her you met someone else!"

"Four years ago! And you told me she was dating _Jesse_. Obviously that was a lie. But why would you have lied to me?"

"Because I needed to know if you were still in love with her, Finn. I didn't know that the girl from the lake was a fictional character in this stupid play called your life! How was I supposed to know that Rachel spent her nights crying herself to sleep because she knew you lied to her about the girl and not because she thought there was a girl?"

"She knew?" Finn asked with wide eyes.

"Of course she did. Though I only found out at dinner tonight but she made an excellent point in her revelation." At Finn's nod, Kurt continued, "She knew you better than anyone. Of course she knew when you were lying. And I guess that's what hurt the most, you know?"

"I don't …"

"She was in love with someone who wasn't in love with her anymore. Again."

"But I _was_ still in love with her!" Finn cried out.

"She was too hurt to see that." He took a deep breath. "And judging by the way you're acting, I don't think _was_ is the proper tense regarding your love for her."

Finn stared at his brother in shock. Was he really that bad at masking his feelings? Still? And he wasn't quite sure if it _was_ still love. Sure, he knew that all those same feelings came rushing back and smacked him in the face much like Rachel had when Kurt had told her Quinn was pregnant. And sure, his heart skipped, like, a lot of beats when he saw her again for the first time. And so what if those old familiar butterflies were fluttering around in his stomach again. That didn't mean he was still in love with her.

"Stop trying to think your way out of it, Finn," Kurt said as he placed a soft hand on his brother's shoulder. "It's okay if you feel it. Just don't actually say or do anything about it. You're my brother and I love you, but if you break that girl's heart again, you can be sure that there is nothing in this world that could keep me from making you the most miserable man on God's green earth. Understood?" he finished with a too-bright, too-fake smile.

Finn just nodded his head slowly and went to tell his manager he wasn't feeling well and needed to go home.

He tried not to catch Rachel's gaze as he hurried out of the bar but he did and when she smiled at him, he forced himself to scowl and push his way out the door.

It broke his heart when he peaked through the front window and saw her staring sadly at the spot he was just occupying.

But Kurt was right. He had hurt her . Bad. And he had to figure out a way to fix it without getting close to her again.

And he thought high school was hard.

-x-

When Kurt came back and sheepishly relayed what he'd said to Finn she was so angry that she got up from the table and performed a classic Rachel Berry Storm Out. She couldn't believe what he had done. Sure, she was always saying the Finn had hurt her too bad for her to ever forgive him, but truth be told, she had probably hurt him just as much.

What if walking away four years ago was an attempt to get her to realize that some things were more important than being a star? What if he was wishing, hoping, praying for her to have the one huge "ah ha!" moment and go running back to him? (Which she did, but he was already gone to California, unbeknownst to her.) Did he even know she tried to go back to him, completely willing to give up Broadway if he would only tell her he still loved her?

Because she would have. In a heartbeat. (Maybe quicker.)

So lost in her mind was she that she didn't even realize she's collided with someone until she felt large, strong hands grip her waist to steady her.

She knew those hands.

"Whoa," Finn breathed out as he looked down to meet the eyes of the small woman so close to being in his arms. "Are you okay?"

Rachel told herself to back away but her body refused to listen. "Yeah," she responded in the same breathless manner. "Just thinking."

"Listen. About when I was leaving …"

"Don't worry about it. Kurt, uh. He told me, uh, me and Jesse what he said to you." She shut her eyes briefly before looking up to catch his eyes again. "I don't think you'd ever try to intentionally hurt me. I know you're not that guy."

"I've done it before," he whispered as he took a slight step forward and readjusted his hold on her hips. "When I broke it off."

"I know," she said softly as she too took a step closer, which caused his hands to slide from her hips to the small of her back.

"I thought I was doing the right thing."

"You weren't."

"I know," he responded before his body took over and he began to lean towards her waiting lips. He watched her eyes slip shut and her chin tilt to give the proper – _familiar_ – angle.

Their lips were just about to touch when they both felt freezing cold liquid splash over their heads.

"Way to go, idiot! Gigantor was _finally_ going to get some play and you had to blow it for him! Worst cock block ever!" a young man, probably about twenty two shouted at his taller, younger companion.

"His own fault," the other one said as he shrugged unapologetically. "She's definitely not a member of Lambda. And he knows the rules during Greek Week."

"Screw you, Yeti," Finn hissed, his hands tightening when Rachel tried to pull away. "Shouldn't you be off somewhere else acting like a derelict?"

Rachel was extremely impressed Finn's vocabulary. Sometimes.

"Dude. What the hell is your problem? She's not even a convincing hooker."

This time, to keep Finn from murdering the poor kid, Rachel placed her hands on his chest. "I need to clean up," she said. "Walk me to the car? I can text Jesse and Kurt."

She could tell he was disappointed. Heck, she was too. But she had to remember that she wasn't going to let this – him – happen again. For the sake of her sanity – and her heart – she couldn't.

"Sure," he responded softly. He turned to Yeti and pointed his finger. "You and I are going to have a _serious_ man-to-man talk soon. Tool." He wrapped an arm around Rachel's face and ushered her in the direction of the car.

When Kurt and Jesse met them there, she offered Finn a sincere smile. "I'll see you in rehearsal on Friday," she told him with a smile as she climbed into the back seat.

Finn wanted to ask if he could see her tomorrow but he didn't. He was sure he would try to kiss her again if he did. At least rehearsal would have people there to run interference.

-x-

Rehearsal that Thursday was pretty tense. Jesse and Kurt had come along so it was something of a reunion for St. Jerkwad – _Jesse_ – with the few members of the Music Club who hadn't graduated when he did.

Finn had forgotten that his former rival had gone to UCLA too.

He wondered if that could be considered irony.

He and Rachel only sang together during group numbers. Dr. Morris still hadn't selected a song for them. Finn had suggested they just go with "Don't Stop Believin'" but was shot down.

"I'll find one, Hudson. Don't worry about it. Both you and Miss Berry have enough talent to learn music in a very short period of time."

"What about choreography?" Rachel asked.

"They don't let me dance," Finn admitted shyly. "Still have next to no rhythm."

"Which is shocking because you're a drummer."

"Shut it, Kurt," Finn said with narrowed eyes, "or I'll get you Mellencamp's entire collection, download it to your iPod and rename each playlist to make you think it's a Broadway show. "Oh," he added, "and I'll delete all of the playlists you have on there now."

"You're a monster," Jesse whispered with wide eyes and a teasing smile.

Rachel couldn't help but think Finn's outburst was unintentionally sexy.

So much for not relapsing.


	5. Chapter 5

"I Think I Love You," Finn said seriously as he walked into the music room. He and Rachel had been meeting early for every rehearsal in an attempt to get their ears and voices tuned to each others' again.

Or so she told Jesse and Kurt.

"What?" she all but shrieked as she looked up at Finn in shock. Could he really have just walked into the music room and announced it with no preamble, no eye contact, no flowers, nothing? Just a simple phrase.

Of course he could have. He's Finn Hudson: King of the Understatement.

"That's what Doc wants us to sing. By the Partridge Family."

"Oh," Rachel replied, unsure of whether she should be disappointed or not.

"Yeah," he responded. "I mean …" his hand moved to rub the back of his neck, "it's a good song and all, but it doesn't sound like us. I mean, our sound, I mean …"

"I know what you mean," she said with a laugh. "I've been wracking my brain for a song but nothing's really clicking."

"Right?" he nodded strongly. "We need something that's _us_."

"Us," Rachel repeated. "Exactly. If he wants to showcase _us_ then _we_ should be the ones to pick the song. I mean, sure, he might know _you_ but he only knows _of_ me so he can't be any kind of authority on what I enjoy singing. And we _should_ enjoy singing it, Finn. We should feel like we did back …" she trailed off, her eyes going sad.

"Back in high school?" he asked softly as he stepped closer to her, his hand moving to her arm. "When it was singing for glee and for ourselves?"

"When it wasn't a job," she replied softly, her head nodding slightly.

"You love your job though, right?" he asked. "I mean, Kurt's told me you're happy. That you perform like it's your whole life and you're loving it."

"I do. Don't get me wrong. I'm completely living the dream. My dream. And it's fulfilling as well. It's just … I thought I'd have more."

"More?" Finn asked, his head cocked slightly to the side. "What more could you want?"

Rachel shrugged and averted her eyes. "I don't know. A social life outside your brother and my ex boyfriend? Free time to dance or sing for _fun_?" She looked up to him, their eyes meeting. She took a deep breath and added, "Someone to come home to after a performance."

"Rachel," he breathed out as he took another step closer.

She knew that this was the moment. After her few short days in Los Angeles she knew that she had never gotten over him and that he had never gotten over her. They didn't mention it and not moves had been made by either party after the almost-kiss the other night.

But this? Here? Now? It was going to happen.

He was going to kiss her and she would know for sure whether or not he _really_ still felt something for her and she could confirm that she felt it for him.

And they could go from there.

His right hand moved to her hip and his left slid across her cheek and to the back of her neck, his fingers carding slightly through her hair. He whispered her name again before his eyes slid shut and so did his.

Their lips touched briefly before he pulled back. Her eyes remained shut for a moment before she opened them slightly to see his chocolate brown eyes focused on her face.

Her eyes searched his for a moment before she smiled slightly.

He smiled widely, chuckled happily and dove back in for another kiss, this time more heated and full of something.

She wouldn't say love.

Not yet.

-x-

"This is getting out of hand," Jesse muttered as Kurt's lips skirted down his neck.

"I thought you liked it when I got out of hand," his boyfriend muttered against his skin.

"Not you," Jesse sighed as he ran his hand over Kurt's hair. "Though I do thoroughly enjoy it when you let your proverbial hair down. That is always a good time."

Kurt's fingers grazed over his lover's chest before coming up to slowly unfasten the buttons that held it together. He kissed each patch of skin as it was bared to him, focused completely on the tiny moans his boyfriend was unknowingly making.

He slowly kissed his way back up Jesse's chest before bringing their lips together. "Let's move this to the bedroom," Kurt whispered when he pulled back, a wicked grin crossing his face. "We should take advantage of the empty suite."

Jesse smiled and nodded, scooting out from under Kurt and grabbing his hand and tugging him to the bedroom. He (gently) tossed Kurt onto the bed and shucked his shirt. "I should be upset that she's spending so much time with Finn but I can't be since it gives me time with you."

"Please tell me that's not what you were talking about back in the common room," Kurt said as he pushed himself up on his hands. "Jesse, _please_ tell me you weren't thinking about Rachel and Finn."

"I …" Jesse started.

"What the hell?" Kurt ground out as he stood from the bed. "C'mon. I mean, we _finally_ have some _serious_ alone time and you're thinking of Rachel and Finn?"

"What if they get back together?" Jesse cried out, his arms wide.

"First, you can go right ahead and put your shirt back on because you sure as hell aren't getting any now. And second," he continued as he swept his bangs off his forehead and crossed his arms, "they're probably going to get back together whether we want them to or not. And then she's going to either break his heart or her own. Because she does everything all or nothing. She's either going to leave and go back to new York, without Finn, or she's going to stay here and leave her dream behind and end up resenting him once they have four kids, a dog and a picket fence!"

"You don't know that," Jesse said. "Maybe … maybe they'll make it work long distance. Or … or maybe Finn could transfer to New York. Or, I don't know, any number of things that could mean they both get what they want!"

"So you _want_ them together? After _everything_?"

"They're happy together and miserable apart. She's your friend and he's your brother. Why the hell can't you just be _happy_ that they've found someone to make _them_ happy? Why does everything have to be such a big drama with you?"

"Oh! You're one to talk, aren't you? You're a bigger diva than she is! And you admitted that yourself!"

They were both breathing hard at this point, eyes locked, chests heaving. Jesse brought his hand up and rubbed his down his face. "Can we please stop fighting about them? Nothing we do is going to make any difference. And if they do get back together and break up again we'll do the same thing we did last time." His eyes searched Kurt's before he brought his hand to his lover's cheek. "We'll hold her while she cries and tell her that it's all going to work out in the end."

"I just don't want her to have to go through that again," Kurt whispered as he shut his eyes and nuzzled his cheek into Jesse's hand.

"I know," Jesse whispered as he wrapped his arms around Kurt. "I know, baby. But I think this time, if there even _is_ a this time, they can work it out. I mean, Lloyd and Diane worked it out."

"_Say Anything_? Really?"

"Shut up and kiss me already," Jesse whispered.

-x-

"This is so weird," Kurt muttered as his eyes scanned the program, an italicized _TBD_ next to Rachel and Finn's names. "They wouldn't even tell the _director_ which song they were doing?"

"Oh, please," Jesse scoffed. "It's _exactly_ like Rachel to keep everyone in suspense. I bet she's getting off on it."

"Please don't ever talk about Rachel Berry _getting off_ again."

"Shhh," Jesse muttered. "It's starting," he added needlessly as the lights flickered and dimmed.

Dr. Morris walked onto the stage and Kurt got a flashback to Principal Figgins during that first Glee performance.

He shivered.

"Good evening, ladies and gentleman. Thank you for supporting the arts. We have a special performance for you tonight. First, we shall showcase our own Music Club and, at the end, we will have a special duet by UCLA's Finn Hudson and Rachel Berry of Broadway's _Spring Awakening_. So now, without further adieu, the Music Club!"

The Club came out and did several songs, Finn featured on lead in two of them.

Kurt and Jesse applauded politely but were both too antsy for the finale. They wanted to know what song Finn and Rachel selected simply because Kurt knew they would be able to tell whether the two of them were going to get back together, were back together, or decided that they didn't want to be together.

Jesse pretty much figured that he would be helping his ex pick out a wedding dress within sixteen months.

The curtain went down and Jesse and Kurt shared a look. They gripped each other's hand as Finn walked to center stage with a microphone.

"The Music Club would once again like to thank everyone for coming out tonight. We hope you had a great time." He took a deep breath, shut his eyes for a moment, then continued, "This next song was selected by myself and our special guest, Rachel Berry. It was selected for a particular reason, so please bear with us. Thank you."

Kurt gripped his boyfriend's hand harder and held his breath.

The lights went out again before the curtains opened to a black stage. A single spotlight shone on Finn as he began to sing:

_It's undeniable that we should be together_

_It's unbelievable how I used to say that I'd fall never_

_The basis is need to know if you don't know just how I feel_

_Then let me show you now that I'm for real_

_If all things in time, time will reveal, yeah_

_One, you're like a dream come true_

_Two, just wanna be with you_

_Three, girl, it's plain to see_

_That you're the only one for me_

_And four, repeat steps one through three_

_Five, make you fall in love with me_

_If ever I believe my work is done_

_Then I'll start back at one, yeah yeah_

Kurt could feel the tears forming in his eyes but he refused to let them fall. He would _not_ get over-emotional.

Jesse, apparently, had no such qualms.

Then another spotlight travelled the stage to find Rachel. Her eyes were locked on Finn's as she sang:

_It's so incredible, the way things work themselves out_

_And all emotional once you know what it's all about, hey_

_And undesirable for us to be apart_

_I never would've made it very far_

_'Cause you know you got the keys to my heart_

_'Cause, one, you're like a dream come true_

_Two, just wanna be with you_

_Three, boy, it's plain to see_

_That you're the only one for me_

_And four, repeat steps one through three_

_Five, make you fall in love with me_

_If ever I believe my work is done_

_Then I'll start back at one_

The lights rose to show the whole of the Music Club in the back of the stage on risers.

As one, Finn and Rachel moved together and joined hands, the rest of the Club joining in to sing:

_Say farewell to the dark of night, I see the coming of the sun_

_I feel like a little child whose life has just begun_

_You came and breathed new life into this lonely heart of mine_

_You threw out the lifeline just in the nick of time_

_One, you're like a dream come true_

_Two, just wanna be with you_

_Three, girl, it's plain to see_

_That you're the only one for me_

_And four, repeat steps one through three_

_Five, make you fall in love with me_

_If ever I believe my work is done_

_Then I'll start back at one_

The lights went down and Jesse and Kurt immediately jumped to their feet applauding. The rest of the audience followed.

"So, I guess that's a happily ever after then?" Jesse asked.

"About damn time," Kurt responded. "Their over-grown teenage angst was starting to depress me."

"I thought you didn't want them to get back together," his boyfriend responded with a little wrinkle in his brow.

"Oh, baby," Kurt said with a smile. "You know as well as I do that, even if we're friends, Rachel will do _exactly_ the opposite of the first thing I tell her to do."

"So, you're okay with this?"

"You bet your cute little ass I am," Kurt said with a smile as the group came out for bows, Finn and Rachel's hands entwined.

-x-

He remembers signing his transfer papers to The New School in New York City. Rachel had told him he didn't have to, that it was only a little more than a year and that it wouldn't be like last time. She promised the distance wouldn't hurt their relationship this time.

But he couldn't let her go and he wouldn't ask her to stay.

Hell, if Lloyd Dobler could get on a plane and move to England for a girl, he sure as hell could move to New York City for the woman he loves.

He remembers moving into her apartment and instantly feeling more at home there than he did in Ohio or in Los Angeles.

He remembers telling Rachel he had to go back to Lima to help Puck out with something but really going to sit down with her fathers and ask if he could marry her. Which they said yes after three excruciatingly embarrassing hours of him fumbling around for the right words and them smirking and grinning and basically enjoying his pain. (He did find the right words, which pretty much consisted of "Sirs, I love her. I didn't know love like this existed. But it does. And I know, because it's how I love your daughter. Rachel. Rachel Berry." They pretty much put him out of his misery after that.)

He doesn't remember asking her to marry him.

But that's only because she's just finished her performance and he's lifting his hand to knock on the door to her dressing room now.

-x-

Huge thank you to Laura and Eera, who basically told me to "post post post" for hours on end until, bam! there it is.

Oh, and THE END.


End file.
